If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
