hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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