i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
