I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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