its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
