Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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