Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
