I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
