I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
