Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
