My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I faked an abortion last night.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
