Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
