i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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