I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
