I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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