so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Randomize
