my mouth tastes like poor choices
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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