Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
