At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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