You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
