we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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