Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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