I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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