My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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