I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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