I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
