Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
