yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
