I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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