Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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