Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
