I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
