is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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