We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
