Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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