the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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