Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
