we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
