the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
