That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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