I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
