wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
