We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
