i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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