Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
