My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My life is pants optional.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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