Will you blow on my dice?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
