operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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