i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
