dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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