His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
