I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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