I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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