I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize