i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude i'm inner monologue high
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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