***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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