those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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