Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Help. Why am I so naked?
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