I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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