Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
