I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
