If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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