So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
