and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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