The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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