I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
