he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dear god my vagina.
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