I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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