How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
