cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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