Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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