worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Randomize
