I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
