also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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