I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
