pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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