I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
