Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
