I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Everything about him screamed your future.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
