I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
