Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
