you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
