that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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