The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
