All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
