Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
