that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
