he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
