Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
